I recently took a “Nutrition IQ Test” in a magazine and scored slightly lower than “moron.” In my defense, though, the test failed to accurately reflect some of my rather innovative, complex and, well, insightful views on nutrition.
I recently took a “Nutrition IQ Test” in a magazine and scored slightly lower than “moron.”
In my defense, though, the test failed to accurately reflect some of my rather innovative, complex and, well, insightful views on nutrition. Therefore, and to wit, I have devised my own “Nutrition IQ Test” that has been dumbed down to a level I find more within reach.
Give it a try. Scoring is completely subjective. As in T-ball, there are no losers.
1. True or False: Buffalo chicken sauce can cure the common cold.
a) True b) False c) Only if it’s the extra hot kind
2. List the five major food groups:
a) stuff from McDonald’s, stuff from Burger King, stuff from Taco Bell, stuff from Kentucky Fried Chicken, and stuff from Papa Gino’s b) deli meats, sub rolls, mayonnaise, dill pickles, and Cheez-Its c) the five things you like best in a poo-poo platter d) all of the above, plus two things deep fried
3. What are the virtues of tofu:
a) It’s got a funny-sounding name b) It’s trustworthy c) You can roll it in a ball and hurl it at pursuers d) You can make fun of people who eat it
4. What is a good source for minerals:
a) pie b) cake c) cake-pie d) a quarry
5. It’s a known fact that garlic can:
a) lower cholesterol b) lower blood pressure c) ward off vampires d) prevent unwanted kissing
6. What’s the difference between simple and complex carbohydrates:
a) complex carbohydrates are more insightful b) simple carbohydrates are easy to fool c) complex carbohydrates come from animals or vegetables containing more than two syllables, like alligator or zucchini d) simple carbohydrates don’t like to brag about themselves
7. How many kinds of nutrients are there:
a) lots b) kind of a lot c) it depends on what you mean by nutrient d) it depends on what time of day it is
8. Where do you find polyunsaturated fatty acids:
a) behind the refrigerator b) in horror movies c) wherever there are wrongs to be righted d) SpaghettiOs
9. What’s the best source of protein:
a) red meat b) red meat that’s been cooked c) linguica d) Baskin-Robbins
10. To what family do legumes belong:
a) Manson b) the five families in New York c) Swiss Family Robinson d) the Pointer Sisters
Frank Mulligan is an editor in GateHouse Media Plymouth, Mass., office, and can be reached at email@example.com. This is a classic column, not because it’s necessarily any good but because it appeared in a prior edition.